Top Ten Reasons For Low Sex In A Marriage

12 Dec

Sex And Marriage

No.1 No time
Eighty percent of married couples blame their declining sex lives on being “too busy.” Who ever thought you’d reach a point when you were too busy to bone? “If you’re not prioritizing your sexuality, then you need to think about why,” urges Steinberg. “Men need to organize their lives less around success and career and how many hours they need to work to buy that fancy car. After arguing with subcontractors all day, you just want to smoke a joint or have a martini. A 60-hour workweek will eat your sex life.”

Sex And Marriage
No.2 Boredom
In a Woman’s Day survey, nearly three times more women described their marriages as “boring” than as “exciting.” Relationships stay interesting when each partner maintains his or her identity, says Strgar. “Don’t blur together. Celebrate your differences, including sexually. A marriage is a safe space to act out all your crazy fantasies. You don’t even have to talk about them; they could just be playing in your head.” Boredom is also sometimes hard to distinguish from depression. In one study, 61% of depressed people reported loss of libido, compared to only 27% of non-depressed people.
Sex And Marriage
No.3 Pregnancy 
Women’s sexual pleasure drops by as much as 39% during the third trimester, according to research published in the British Medical Journal. Queen expands by saying, “Pregnancy is fraught with impending role changes for both parents, body image issues for the visibly pregnant woman — and sometimes her partner does not react with arousal to those changes — and hormonally-based changes in a woman’s body that can absolutely affect her sexual response. […] For many young couples, pregnancy is the first time these responses really change, and some may not understand this.”
Sex And Marriage
No.4 Parenthood
Thirty percent of women say they experience no sexual pleasure at all for the entire first year after giving birth. “Some of these women are still hormonally affected,” Queen explains. “All of them, most likely, are suffering from exhaustion and stress.” Few couples fully anticipate the true impact of having an infant around the house — a change which leads to a complete transformation of schedules, rhythms, intimacy, and activities that “takes a toll on the young dads as well.” In her work as a sexologist, Queen says, “I talk to young mothers who tell me tales of exhaustion, plus occasionally the unbelievably insensitive husband.”
Sex And Marriage
No.5 Infidelity
Sixteen percent of married people have affairs; infidelity shatters trust, which withers intimacy. Advocating polyamory, David Steinberg, author of The Erotic Impulse, says “affairs can be enhancers. In open relationships where it’s permitted to have sex with other people without secrecy or guilt, you end up having better sex at home. I’ve done it for the last 35 years. Having sex with a new partner opens up your sexual energy. If jealousy and competition aren’t issues, your primary partner is suddenly more attractive too.” Strgar disagrees: Extramarital affairs “go against human nature,” she says, and happen “when you don’t want to do the hard work” of mending your marriage.
Sex And Marriage
No.6 Sexual differences
Men are over five times more likely than women (45% versus 8%) to think of sex at least once a day. A key component of sexual dissatisfaction, says Queen, is “erotic incompatibility, in which one partner really likes something different than the other.” That “something different” can include techniques, times of day, or a variety of other factors, including how frequently one wants to have sex. Differing desires can lead to pressure, blame, resentment, “anger management issues, disrespectful talk, unreasonable expectations, and the list goes on.” Gender-based differences in desire are biologically built into any heterosexual union.
Sex And Marriage
No.7 Lost looks
Forty-three percent of married couples claim that their loved one isn’t as attractive anymore. “Letting yourself go” usually means gaining weight and giving in to other side-effects of an unhealthier lifestyle, says Wendy Strgar, author of Love That Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy and founder of the Good Clean Love line of organic sensual products. “So much of a relationship comes from your commitment to your own health. The whole catch-up thing does not work. If you’re with somebody who hasn’t built that commitment into the relationship, it won’t just be your sex life that’s suffering.”
Sex And Marriage
No.8 Menopause
Over 60% of divorces are initiated by women in their menopausal years, during which they experience decreased libido. The Change of Life is reverse-puberty hormonal hell — worsened, Queen says, by unhappiness among women and their spouses over weight-gain and other body changes. “The unsung issue with midlife women,” Queen explains, is “that many are living distinctly unhealthy lives as far as arousal and libido are concerned. Being sedentary and not exercising are the worst culprits; smoking, certain meds and fatty foods also play a real role in restricting circulation and adversely affect one’s ability to become aroused.”
Sex And Marriage
No.9 Erectile dysfunction 
Fifty-two percent of men over 40 experience difficulty getting or maintaining an erection. “Instead of popping Viagra,” counsels Queen, “a man should exercise, eat a healthy diet, not drink or drug too much, quit smoking, and ask his doc whether any of the meds he may be taking are likely to affect erections.” Midlife men are often overworked and overstressed, and may also be experiencing, for the first time, ailments such as diabetes that can have a lessening effect upon sex drive. “Finally,” Queen adds, “lots of guys just don’t understand that their [sexual] response will change as they age and they’ll need more direct, physical stimulation to get an erection than they did when younger.”
Sex And Marriage
No.10 Habit
Twenty percent of married couples have sex less than 10 times a year. And once that sex routine is established, it often stays that way, warns sexologist Carol Queen, author of Exhibitionism for the Shy. “For many people,” she says, “if erotic behavior slows down, it’s hard to rev back up,” regardless of whether it has tapered off because of kids, illness, hectic schedules, or anything else. She continues, “Certainly some partners with low frequency are well-matched and don’t care that they aren’t having more sex, but in some of these relationships, both partners may wish they were getting it on more often, but have entered a phase where it just doesn’t happen.”

One Response to “Top Ten Reasons For Low Sex In A Marriage”


  1. Top Ten Reasons For Low Sex In A Marriage | Sexuality Guide - April 22, 2014

    […] Top Ten Reasons For Low Sex In A Marriage […]

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